how to play
Four
parts.
Setup. Rounds. Reclamation. Closing circle. Plan for two to three hours.
what you need
3–6 people
4+ is ideal. If more than 6, split into smaller groups.
2–3 hours
Possibly more depending on group size. Don't rush it.
Cards or paper
One per player per other player. Formula: (players − 1) × players. For 6 players: 30 cards.
A pen per player
And a timer — 3 minutes per player for writing.
A bowl or jar
Big enough to hold everyone's folded cards.
Something to keep score
Points accumulate across rounds. Use the scorekeeper →
Beginning
Have each player read and verbally agree to the Consent Form before play begins. Appoint one player as scorekeeper — they track points, collect cards into the bowl, and keep the game moving.
Two roles to know: the Giver is the person who wrote a judgement. The Receiver is the person it was written for.
The Giver can earn up to 3 points per round:
Intimacy
The Receiver felt charge when they heard the judgement.
Accuracy
50% or more of the group agrees with the judgement about the Receiver (including the Receiver, excluding the Giver).
Vulnerability
50% or more of the group votes the judgement was a vulnerable expression (including the Giver).
Setup
- Each player writes one judgement per other player — one per card, no names on the cards. Allow 3 minutes per player. Read the Writing Tips if needed.
- Fold your completed cards and drop them into the bowl.
- The scorekeeper mixes the cards and passes the bowl to the player on their left.
The Rounds
Repeat the following steps each round until the bowl is empty.
Draw
The player holding the bowl draws a card and reads it aloud. It's okay to draw your own — just don't reveal that.
Feel
Everyone raise their hand if they feel charge when imagining this judgement is about them.
Reveal
The Giver reveals themselves and names the Receiver. If the Receiver raised their hand, the Giver earns the intimacy point.
Agree
By show of hands: who agrees with this judgement as a reflection of the Receiver? 50%+ earns the Giver the accuracy point.
Vote
By show of hands: who thinks this was a vulnerable expression — risky and impactful? 50%+ earns the vulnerability point.
Keep
The Receiver keeps their card. You'll need it for Part 3.
Pass
The bowl passes to the left. The next round begins.
During the rounds, resist the temptation to go deep into discussion or processing. Be like a flower and let the dead petals drop. You'll have time to process during reclamation and the closing circle.
Once the bowl is empty, the scorekeeper announces the final winner and the final loser.
The mechanics are done.
Now the room does what rooms do.
Reclamation
One round per Receiver. The Receiver reads their cards aloud, pausing after each one. After each card is read, two people speak to the group.
The Giver
How is this a projection of something you see in yourself, and how does it show up in your life?
The Receiver
How is this something you see in yourself, and how does it show up in your life?
The judgements are for you to reclaim your wholeness.
Closing Circle
Each player takes a turn reflecting on these questions. Don't rush this — the close is part of the game.
- What was the most vulnerable or impactful judgement to write or receive?
- What is a gift you're taking away from having these judgements revealed?
- Is there anything still bothering you?
- What do you need?
The winner of the game is invited to lead the post-game integration.
before you play
Read the consent form.
Short. Matters. Everyone should read it before game night.
Consent Form →write well
Tips for writing your cards.
Specific. Observable. Not cruel. The craft makes the difference.
Writing Tips →